Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
