Having a random hookup so left but love u
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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