its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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