I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
