I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
