I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
