Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
