I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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