wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
