Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
