There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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