One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
