we're chasing vodka with high fives
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
