Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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