you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize