she woke up with a sticky ear
im having a threesome with these popsicles
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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