Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
