talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Did I show you my penis last night?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
