Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
