Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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