dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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