last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize