You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
