speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
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