i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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