i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
