I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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