Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
