fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
