Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
