so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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