I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize