so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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