I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
