I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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