whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
