Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
