Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
