This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
