my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
