why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
