maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
