If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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