Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
