you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
