I wish my penis had an off switch
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
