dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize