New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize