weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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