She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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