you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
