is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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