dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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