i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
