i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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