Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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