i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
