five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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