doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
