There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
