i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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