I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
