My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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