Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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