so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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