im about as happy as oj after his trial
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
