she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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