i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize