I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize