If you die in college, do you die in real life?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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