I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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