You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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