Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize