; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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