Buhtt sex?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize