I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
