It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
