OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You can't special order awesome
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
