hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
