3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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