Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
