It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
