my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
