So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Can you bring me the toilet please
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize