That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
