she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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