If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
