The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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