what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
