i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
