anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
