You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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