She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
