I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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