tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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