Fine. I'll sleep in my office
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
